i am connor

and i have an inferiority complex the size of texas when it comes to X

sick and tired

sick and fucking tired of everything being about you. you're who i think of, who i write about, who i want to talk to hang out with take to lunch catch a flick with just be with play a game with walk the streets with see the sights with have a drink with sit in the hottub with take pictures of take pictures with cook with bake with sit with stand with, who i want to hold and comfort and let know it will be ok and you will be loved and do everything with.

fucking sick. fucking tired.

i wished i lived out in the country

so i could shoot my guns whenever i want. handguns, pistols, rifles, even my BB guns i can't shoot all the time here. this sucks.

haven't blogged

for 19 days


19 days


19 days

sometimes

i honest to god hate myself. never for very long, just for little spurts-- usually minutes at a time of utter self-loathing.

It has been reported...

It has been reported that some victims of torture, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren’t being tortured. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP.
Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP


xposted from John Yadollahi on mySpace

the coast

i feel as though i haven't been at home in forever. i know that i have-- i've been home pretty recently, as a matter of fact-- but i can't shake this feeling. sometimes i just can't stand to be away from home. it kills me. i don't care what we do here because i'd rather be home. it isn't that i don't like the places we go, i guess i should, but i can't help feeling like i'm missing something by not being home. like i'm missing something in me.


could've done with a fucking day trip.