screw the friend zone

the friend zone has got to be the stupidest thing that has ever been thought up. 

the idea of it, that one person likes another TOO much to date them in fear of "ruining" their friendship is ridiculous. if you think you really like somebody and think that you would get along well enough in a relationship, embrace that! don't be afraid of what COULD happen, what MIGHT go wrong! there is nothing wrong with friends becoming more than that, nothing at ALL. 

this friend zone thing forces a guy to almost begin to alienate girls that he wants to have relationships with in fear of entering such a zone. becoming too close of a friend to date is a nightmare of every guy that has ever wanted a girl. 

maybe i just don't get this because i've never been in such a position, or of such a state of mind

communication

communication is like glue but the absence of it is more than just a broken bond, it's a fucking paper shredder.

dear Concerta,

fuck you!



for about half of a decade now i've been taking two of those fuckers every morning that i woke up before 11 AM. things sound a lot longer when you can refer to them in portions of a decade, don't they?

so for 5 years i could not come to grips with who i was and why i couldn't do some stuff as well as i had before. instead of acknowledging that I was different than i had been in the past and accepting it, i felt the need to medicate myself against who i was. my doctor decided to medicate me, my parents decided to medicate me, i decided i'd swallow 72 MG of amphetamines before i went to school so that i could perform up to my standards of the past.

but now i don't. since summer i haven't been taking this shit. i come down every morning and look at my bottle of these white devils and feel powerful as all hell because I AM NOT SWALLOWING THEM! i've offended some people, grown closer with some, i am easy going as a tranquilized walrus sometimes and as manic as a fucking hummingbird others. my grades are slipping, my mom is worried, i am no longer "up to my potential" and i FUCKING LOVE IT!

you hear that concerta? I'M NOT TAKING YOUR SHIT ANYMORE, SO FUCK OFF! (sorry for the pervasive language, mom, but i hate this shit!) fuck ADD! fuck this social construct of medication and fuck the idea that i'm not good enough! i'm the best fucking guy a lot of people know and even though i can be a bit radical some times i am so fucking HAPPY everyday because i am alive and i used to wish that i was fucking dead!

my personality is back and i'd rather fail the fuck out of high school before i started taking those god damn pills ever again! this is what freedom feels like, the American ideals have never hit me harder than when i left my color coded bottle from the Target pharmacy closed!

woo-fucking-hoo!

the idea of potential

crossposted from MySpace and my secret blog

not a potential theory as much as a theory about potential.


i'm trying to clear the idea of potential out of my head. potential is stupid. lately i've been hearing

"you aren't working up to your potential," "if you would just use your full potential," "you could do so well with all of your potential" etc etc from teachers and friends and family. fuck that! what is potential?

Main Entry: po·ten·tial

Pronunciation: \pə-ˈten(t)-shəl\

Function: adjective

1: existing in possibility : capable of development into actuality <potential benefits>
2: expressing possibility ; specifically : of, relating to, or constituting a verb phrase expressing possibility, liberty, or power by the use of an auxiliary with the infinitive of the verb (as in “it may rain”)

potential is something that is POSSIBLE. something CAPABLE of being developed into actuality. potential does not exist as a reachable level, it's a fucking imaginary ideal that is set high enough to force people to reach and strive for something that they are capable of, if the idea of potential is to be believed. which brings us to our next matter:

why does it matter? it doesn't! potential can go take a flying one at a donut for all i care because it does not matter to me, and it should not matter to anyone! what should matter is this: whatever IS HAPPENING. whatever IS BEING DONE. not what COULD be done!

who the fuck cares that, if i were working to my potential, I COULD have pulled a better grade on a test? not me, that's for sure! i didn't and it is gone in the past now, so it doesn't matter! at all! here is an idea for your brains:

potential levels of greatness don't matter. disregard your potential and focus entirely on what you are doing, not what you could, or you're going to get sucked in to the idea that you could always do better and never be truly satisfied.

tonight is a good night for me to type

i am all amped up. my fingers are going nuts, if you could see how fast i am typing right now you'd be more impressed than you have ever been as long as you're a really slow typist yourself.

i cannot stop listening to Laura Marling's song New Romantic. it is on my friend courtney's myspace and it is just so goddamn good! i have a bit of a rage for english accents like this... i'm in love with lily allen, too. she's so cool.

i've got a girl driving me nuts. NUTS! up the wall! it seems to me like she's just unaware as can be that i am head over heels crazy for her and i'm just afraid to mention it. imagine that! today in the shower i came up with a little verse

i love you
not yet in love with you
but oh, how i'd love to!



that's from Hawaii.